Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize
