And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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