just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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