they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We have so much sex to catch up on
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
