so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
