this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
