I got chris browned last night
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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