i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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