I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
