Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
