he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
