my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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