I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
