We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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