some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
