I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
