Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Still dying that you shit outside
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I have aggressive nipples.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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