We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
