well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
