can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
