And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
