I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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