Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You're a waste of cheezeits
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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