A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
