I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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