Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
