I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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