You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I touched a dick in church today
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
