we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
