i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
