dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
