Kiss
Puke
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
