two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
