i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
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