isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
