tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
