Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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