Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
