i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
