you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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