i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
