So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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