Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
