For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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