There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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