I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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