I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
