Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Randomize
