sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
