I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
