I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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